PONY CLUB IS CLOSED.

Some things in Perth, you know you should avoid.

Like tapas. (But don’t avoid Pata Negra – it’s really good.)

The tapas scene is exploding in Perth and it seems almost every licensed bar, cafe or restaurant peddling finger food has ‘tapas’ on its menu. One of Perth’s orginal tapas restaurants was The Pony Club.

Once upon a time, it enjoyed the glory of Perth’s dining spotlight. But I think that moment has well and truly passed. To me, tapas should at least be vaguely inspired by spanish cuisine. Like croquettes, pan con tomate, patatas bravas and numerous, delicious others. Which were missing from the menu. If the only thing in common with tapas is the dining format, just call it something else.

Out of indecision, our table of five ordered the ‘la mesa casa’ – the set menu – which is influenced by the whims of the chef. I just knew something was not quite right when we were promptly informed our starters, the raw oysters, were now lightly poached… It was a boon to the anti-oysters-naturale camp, but I couldn’t help but think what was behind the decision to take the oysters and poach them instead. I know about not eating seafood on Mondays, but Wednesdays too?

The oysters arrived, underneath opaque foam. (This foam would be the first of three appearances – it was only after looking at the photos I realised there was so much foam in the meal it would’ve scared a mermaid.) The plump coffin oysters went down fairly quickly, oyster lovers and haters alike. Poaching the oysters takes some of the zinc-ness away, though the sea salty presence of freshness was gone too. It was a very indifferent starter.

The jamon with jelly and drops of balsamic vinegar was a play of textures. However the combo didn’t gel together and it was shame to waste the perfectly good jamon on some forgettable jelly.

Part of the same course were the empanadas with eggplant aioli. The presentation reminds me of spring rolls and made it very easy to eat – like lollipops. Crispy, hot and slightly spicy filling made very more-ish parcels. Actually, they were more like samosas than an empanadas.

There was an especially long wait between the first and second courses. I used alcohol to kill the time. With relief, chunks of chorizo sitting on uber-green disks of what looked like jelly (jelly again!) arrived. Salty and not spicy enough, the chorizo was average. The jelly was again, forgettable.

We were served a rather interesting side dish for this course – cauliflower custard with rosemary crunch. (Apologies, no photo – it was a bad shot.) It was a love it or hate it dish – and undying love of rosemary was necessary to love it! It was cauliflower incarnated into a creamy flan. But the rosemary really killed it. It was overpowering and despite the size, we struggled to finish it.

Scallops pretending to be jelly shots.

The next course (after another long wait) were scallops on mash. In plastic shot glasses. Plastic. Surely they could have used glass shot glasses? The plastic looked cheap-o.

Besides being plastic, the tiny cups made the mash difficult to extract. There’s only so far a fork can go into a shot glass! Oh, but the mash was divine. The scallops, though tiny (to fit into the tiny shot glasses of course) were perfectly grilled. Silky fat scallops with super silky potato mash. Good stuff.

We were getting to the pointy end of the ‘la mesa casa’ and this meant meat courses.

The meat courses did not escape the chef’s addiction (or affliction) of foams and jellies. Pork medallions with cooked apple slices were actually quite good – the pork was pink and tender and the apples had an acidic touch which always goes well with the non kosher variety of meat. It would have looked better without the foam.

Next carnivorous course – beef fillet with beetroot and cucumber coulis and aniseed jelly. And there’s the foam, again. Biting into the beef fillet, it was obvious the beef was really high quality – great taste, perfectly medium and tender. But – I know, there’s always a BUT with me – the aniseed jelly really turned me off. It was intense.

By now I was really looking forward to dessert. Yay! Churros, for which I am head over heels in love with after our trip to Madrid. I should have known better seeing our set menu barely resembled tapas. But the heart wants, what the heart wants. If the churros were good, maybe I would forgive the multiple travesties of foam.

No such luck! Churros are supposed to be lean and crispy, but soft and airy on the inside.

Instead, fat, short and stubby churros arrived. And they were definitely not soft and airy. Heavy and dense, the churros were like elongated versions from Donut King (no offense Donut King), but much oilier. What a shame. These did not deserve to be called churros.

To wash down the oil, we finished with a glass of sticky, raisin sweet of 1927 Pedro Ximinez (which was excellent). For $6o per person, I think the la casa mesa is overpriced – that would make each morsel about $7 each (!).

At the end of the night, I didn’t see any advantage with ordering the set menu. If we had ordered a la carte, we probably would have broken even. Usually set menus are quite generous but I think the Pony Club has the reverse approach. I’d probably only return if I had money to burn. Even then, claiming foam and jelly as tapas is a bit rich, so do only as a cynical Perth girl would and take the word ‘tapas’ with a bucket of salt.

Up’s: Scallops and mash were nice, plastic shot glasses were not. Good service, though we almost got charged a whole bottle of Pedro Ximinez…

Down’s: Excessive foam and jellies. Not really tapas, just small serves. Disappointing churros. Be prepared to flex the credit card if you have a big appetite.

Food: 2.5/5
Value: 2.5/5
Service: 4/5
Atmosphere: 3.5/5 

   

The Pony Club
620 Beaufort Street, Mt Lawley WA 6050
T: (08) 9228 8801
W: http://www.theponyclub.com.au

Lunch Fri – Sun 12 noon onwards
Dinner Wed – Sun 6pm to late

   

~ M

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